16th June 2010 Early Morning

I saw myself in a group of few guys and girls going to some isolated, deserted place. The girls seemed excited after reaching the location. It looked like a photoshoot and the girls were the models I guess. I am not sure why I was there but there was this other guy who was a photographer. After a brief session, two older men came to that photographer and whispered in his ear. They turned and looked at me. Next thing I remember seeing two of the girls lying shot dead and the lead actress standing and trembling in fear. The older men pushed the revolver at me and forced me to shoot that lady. I refused. They threatened me that they'd kill me if I didn't obey them. I refused, fully understanding the risks but also aware that they'd kill me anyways (a situation akin to that in the movie 'Nick of Time' which I watched few days back). I was nervous but not scared of them. The photographer guy didn't look comfortable. The actress was continuously gazing at that guy, perhaps wanting to ask him, "why?".
Next thing I saw myself lying on the awkward stony floor of a completely wrecked room with some wall still left around it. I was lying with my head down. I remember seeing a wall on both sides and then looking up and seeing that photographer guy pointing the revolver at me. I looked down again, well aware that I'd be shot dead anytime. I wanted to indicate at the top of my head with my index finger so that the guy shoots me there but I guess I was numb with fear. I quickly tried to recall all the important things in my life, but to my embarrassment could only recall the TV show characters like That 70s Show etc. I focused hard and recalled my father, my mother and my sister, visualizing each of them giving me a kiss and a beautiful smile. After that my mind started recalling the TV shows again. :(
I heard the gunshot and for a second felt like the top of my head had exploded but that was my imagination. I was not shot at, I was still alive. Cautiously, I looked up and saw the photographer guy on the floor, bleeding from his head. Apparently he had killed himself. I guess he couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed his revolver in my handkerchief and started running away from there.
My efforts at running were similar to the end scene in the movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" in which Ferris runs hard and a for long time to reach his house from his girlfriend's house before either of his parents could reach the house. I was running for my life. I ran through a wild patch of land, then through a small town and then through an urban settlement. I happened to gaze into one of the houses which had a glass door and was well lit from inside, and saw my father talking to some other man in there. I banged at the glass door hard enough for them to hear me and take me in.
My father was concerned and asked me about the situation. I tried to tell him but was gasping and struggling to breathe in properly. My father introduced me to the other man who was probably his senior because my father addressed him as "sir". Strangely enough he told him that I was from the batch of '97 or perhaps he was talking about someone else but he was definitely talking about some defense force academy student. I recalled that I did my 10th in year 2003 and 12th in year 2005 and am in college. Near death experience does make one remember one's past really quickly!
It was dusk. My father took me outside in the backyard which was covered with grass and had a high hedge, strangely covered with the certificates of many cadets. I wanted to ask my father about reason of his presence there but didn't. I took him into a dark corner, away from the sight of that other man and started telling him about the situation. After what I experienced, I couldn't trust any stranger anymore!
A few minutes later, after all the explanations, my father promised me that he'd find help for me and others but as we turned and started walking back into the house, I saw one of the older men walking out of the house and turning at us, pointing a pistol/revolver at us. I was in front, so I turned back, took my father and ducked back in the darkness. After a few seconds, I plunged out of the darkness, kicked his arm holding the revolver with my knee and then knocked him out. At that moment itself, it was the other older man who was standing in front of us, pointing his revolver at us. This time, either my father or I got shot in the arm. This man was physically stronger than the previous one and I found it hard to hold his arm with the revolver and struggle with him. My father joined in and we disarmed him.
Funny thing happened after that. The man inside the house and I were comparing our biceps and arm size, in front of a mirror and clearly his were far more superior, and reminded me of Bob's (from That 70s Show) thick arms. I was smiling into the mirror and at my relatively fragile physique.

23rd April 2010 Late Morning

I saw myself at the wrong residence. I opened the door, realized my mistake but before I could close it back and leave, the one sitting on the bed called me in. I went in.
The truth is, I was supposed to keep tabs on them and update my friend with the information. My friend and I were working for the government, collecting information on such people. They had committed many cold blooded murders. I knew I had to think of an excuse for mistakenly barging into their one room house which looked like hut from outside but had a lot of room inside. It was among the many hut looking houses in that row, and I opened one door sooner.
I went in, greeted them and sat on the bed, pretending that I was their ally. I began giving them some information on my friend's progress in the case. But before I could tell them much, he stopped me and asked me, "Naam kya hai tera?" (what's your name?). He caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for that question. At any cost I was not to reveal my real name, or any Indian or American fake name. I spoke some Afghan name. He looked at me and gave me clear signs that he didn't trust my lies.
The style in which he killed the impostors played over and over again in my mind as we sat to eat. I remember fighting few men with rods emitting electric current, and the dead lady officer hanging from the great wall on that roadside. I was hoping to rescue her, so that if she may still be breathing, we could revive her, but those men stopped me and eventually I had to save myself when I saw the lady was no more alive.

My friend was living in the adjacent hut. If only I could switch roles with him because he was more experienced, he could find a way out of this situation. I couldn't just run away from this place, if I did they'd track me down and kill me. We were in their country, so they had the upper hand. The shrieks of the lady, who was an agent from our agency, they killed at the roadside by hanging her on a wall and throwing stones and sharp objects at her.
It was a dream, I told myself. Crap! I thought, why couldn't I opt for the other character, instead of the current character I was in? I thought I had a choice, maybe I didn't. I imagined how it'd feel to die, and since I would die, I wouldn't be able to see how it all ends, which made me sad.
They started threatening me to tell the truth. I was really scared and tried to disguise my heavy breathing with sneezing and coughing. I laughed at their accusations and spoke most of the times in native language of Afghanistan. I knew this mission was hanging on my little shoulders and I could not, at any cost, give in even if it means death. We needed to catch the whole organization, not just those two men, who commit atrocities and cold blooded murder in the name of God and law.
Alas, I was made a bait and my team was asked to show up, else I'd be killed the way the lady officer was. Before they taped my mouth, I kept on laughing hysterically and telling them they had weird sense of humor, putting their own man on the line, pretending he belonged to the enemy and expecting the enemies to surrender. The information I gave them about my friend and our team's plan was all true, except for the end game, which is my friend is a world class expert. But the game had changed now. I was going to die, and I wished my friend and our team didn't come trying to save me. I wanted those savages killed in cold blood, which would only happen when my friend executed his plan (plan B, since I have been captured) as decided.
Alas, I won't be there to see the end.

14th March 2010, Early Morning

I was at a party at a rich person's house. The living room was almost packed with guests. It was an invitation only party and I had been invited because of something I was or something I had done, so I was there. The lights were dim and people were slow dancing on the music playing in the background. I felt isolated in the party because I knew limited number of people, all of whom were busy chit-chatting with others, slow dancing, and eating. I stood at a corner with my drink, looking at others.
Next thing, I saw my high school friend at the party !! I was looking at her after many years but could recognize her because she looked quite the same. In that dress she was wearing, and under the dim bluish lighting and slow music, I found her beautiful. I saw her chatting with a married couple and smiling pleasantly. I had always liked her more than a friend. We met like old buddies meet after years. She was a joyous sense of relief in that boring party. We talked for sometime, then she suddenly left me and went to talk to others. She said she would be back in a bit but she wasn't. I felt isolated again. I went to refill my drink (which was non-alcoholic, btw) when I met the hostess. She asked me for a favor and I agreed to do it. But while doing it I realized my mistake. Doing that favor was more boring than standing alone like a statue in that party. Two ladies whom I had seen standing at a corner, just like me, joined me at what I was doing, as if they were looking for something to do. None of the two would speak, only stare at me, at what I was doing. They looked like twin sisters, only they didn't look alike.
Some idiot in a leather jacket, started chit-chatting with the hostess who was standing beside me and the twin ladies. Before she could ask him for the same favor, he offered his services, probably to have a good impression on her. Either he had a crush on that lady, or his mommy must have told him to do so, because the favor wasn't worth any good impression or riches! Thank you, I said to him and left my work to him.
I saw my friend standing in isolation with her drink at the spot I stood for most of the party, aloof in her thoughts. I went to her and in our casual conversation, told her my feelings about her. She gave me the exact reaction I had expected. She said it was very sweet of me and that she also liked me but some things had changed in past few months that at the moment she wasn't ready for any such commitment. I persisted, because I had fell in love with her all over again in the moment I saw her for the first time after many years.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" she said, that tenderness in her voice that almost convinced me she would agree.
"I am telling you now!" I said with all the sincerity in my heart.
She turned to face me and we kissed gently. As we slow danced, holding each other close, I also fell in love with the slow music and the dim blue lighting.

I saw myself at a check post while leaving for home. There was some commotion because somebody said a terrorist had been caught. I got down from my jeep and went to check when I saw Ragunathan sir talking to other policemen or some other security agency personnel. He was their senior, I learned, and was congratulating them on their success and motivating them to keep up the good work. I saw a person looking at all of them with a disgust on his face. I could guess he was the terrorist. He offered me Rs. 90 if I allowed him to walk away and not tell the police that he was running away. He said he only had that much money with him. I refused. He reduced the offer to Rs. 50 and I asked him, "Do you even know how to count?"
I told him, traffic police in India also doesn't agree at Rs. 90, how could I, that too when risk was so high!
He was taken away. I rode back to home in my gypsy. My mother wasn't feeling well so we had to leave. My sister, mother and some friend was sitting behind in the gypsy. My father was staying at some other place. I saw us driving my the streets of Persia, as shown in the game, 'Prince of Persia'. I thought of my work and that there were some people I didn't like at my department, but due to joining of some new people, that dislike had been lessened, as if the new people act like neutralizers. I started thinking of numerology and also trying to find a relation between first alphabet of names of people I keep away from in my department and the new people in my department. While such thoughts occupied my mind, I saw kids playing on the street as we took a turn to the right. Most of the city was stone floored and each road had either houses or a wall on either side.
I get a phone call from the same terrorist even before we are able to drive out of the city. He threatens me that since I didn't help him escape, he'll make my life miserable. He started telling me what all damage he could possibly do and I start feeling scared. His voice and mannerism of speaking made me laugh but I controlled myself, lest I'd offend him even more. My mother wasn't feeling well, my sister was with me, I had a girlfriend now and we were still away from home, driving on strange roads.
Suddenly I see myself doing push-ups, and then I see another self of mine jogging on the streets of the city, as shown in 'Prince of Persia'. Could that be my alter-ego? Or my own self preparing for the future?

20thJan2009LateMorning

saw myself in the main building of my college campus, walking towards the office of the dean. I saw Asrar sitting there, across the table, in front of the Dean. Actually the Dean offered a course and Asrar and I had taken that course. I and Asrar visited his office to submit some course work he had given. His office was a small room in a long corridor, which looked nothing like any part of real campus of my college. It looked more like a underground research lab. The lighting was also quite dim in the corridor and in his office. I was to go home as our holidays had begun. I left for home, feeling happy. I met my mother and sister at home. My mother said that father was busy. I understood that better when we had to leave our house when evacuation orders came. Apparently a large number of terrorists had infiltrated many parts of India, dressed in Indian uniforms of commandoes and other defence officers. I wanted to help, but my mother wanted to keep me close to herself to ensure my safety. We went to Raj Bhavan to ask for help, but before we could enter the gates, we heard a bomb blast inside the Raj Bhavan, done from a helicopter hovering over it. Now we went to the safest possible place, my Naani's home.
Naani's (maternal grandmother) house was like Ayodhya during time of Lord Rama. It was peaceful, safe and many people stayed there. Half of the area was jungle, the other half was houses, temples etc. It was a sunny afternoon and I saw myself, my sister and my mother, along with few other women sitting below a big tree, with branches spread widely to cover a large area of ground for casting shadow. My Naani was talking to all of us, saying that we all should stay together in this place so that we be safe and also contact others who are outside, though secretly so that enemies don't come to know about this place. She and other women, including my mother and sister were cutting vegetables and salad for lunch. I offered my assistance but my naani said that I'm a guy so I'm not supposed to do all this stuff!
I said I'd be safe in my college and left for my college after the end of holidays. I did constantly worry about my mother and sister and others. The terrorists had occupied many parts of India and Indian soldiers were fighting bravely against them was the only news I heard everyday. I felt helpless but all I could do was to stay low and hope that the soldiers come victorious from the battle against the terrorists.
Quite unexpectedly, and I wouldn't have wanted this to happen ever, but my sister came to find me till my college campus. She met Asrar. He said he knew me and both of them were walking towards the lab in which I worked when suddenly some commandoes came from behind and ceased them. They tried to fight but the commandoes outnumbered them and knocked out Asrar. One of the commandoes started harrassing my sister. Clearly they were the terrorists in dress of commandoes. After hearing the news of my sister being in the campus, as told to me by Asrar on phone, I had left my lab and was walking towards the main gate when I saw the situation on the way. I felt a sudden surge of anger I had never felt my entire life. I felt as if I was getting transformed into something entirely different. I caught the commando by his neck and flung him away from my sister. I saw that she passed into unconsciousness. Throwing that man high in the air and knocking him down made me more confident and I realized that I could fight. I was too angry to let those bastards affect our lives anymore. I saw few more commando dressed terrorists coming our way. I started fighting them and knocking them down. I went out of the building into the open. I saw a big garden, and realized that I wasn't in my college campus anymore. I was standing in front of Raj Bhavan. I saw few convicts standing in line, chained to each other, and come "real" army commandoes taking them in a vehicle to some other location. Suddenly, a big truck filled with the "fake" commandoes came and shot many of the real commandoes. Some commandoes fought back and shot some "fake" commandoes. The "fake" commandoes gave guns to the convicts and freed them. I started running towards them and in the blink of an eye, with lightening speed, I reached them and started knocking them out one by one. Then I started fighting the "fake" commandoes. I didn't have problem recognizing the fake ones since they themselves came to fight me. I kept on fighting and felt great about it. I never knew I could fight so well, that I was so quick and so powerful. It felt as if I'd found myself.