I saw myself inside my house standing in front of my mother, who was folding and keeping washed clothes in the closet, and asking her as to what my father was talking about on his mobile, in the lawn downstairs. It had been half an hour and he looked concerned and intense as he walked on the grass, in the dim light of a distant tubelight at a corner of the lawn.
"Are we having some problems, some health or money problems?" I asked, without thinking.
My mother stopped in the process of folding clothes and looked at me, and said, "It is your aunt. She's having some troubles." I don't clearly remember if this aunt was my father's sister or friend, but anyways, I again saw my father through the window of our house, as he talked and tried to counsel her and convince her for something, maybe.
I was then reminded of my project meeting I had that morning with my mentor. I had to find a partner for that project. I decided to take her as my project partner. Lets name her P. Now I knew that all I had to do was to meet her the next day and ask her to be my project partner. Then suddenly I remembered that the project required coding and she was not a computer science student. I thought, "oh, never mind. I'll do all the computer science part."
I then saw two kids coming in from the front door of the house. It took me some time but I finally recognized them as my cousins. My father came in and said, "Hey kids, how have you been doing?" with a smile. The two kids didn't look cheerful. The boy must be about 10 years old and girl some 7 or 8 years old.
"Your mother has got some work, so you both would be staying here with us for a some days. I'll have your luggage kept inside." he said. Later I learnt that my aunt left town to make some arrangements and sold her house before that and all her stuff was kept in our garage.
My sister a couple of years elder than the boy. She took them to their room and tried to make them comfortable by talking to them and arranging their stuff in her room. I was impressed by her for I knew I couldn't do such a thing. I somehow lacked the compassion which she had.
But it hit me hard. I didn't know the full reason as to why my aunt had to leave suddenly. All I could think of was financial crisis. I wished I could start earning and become a millionaire as quickly as possible so that I could help them out. I held a chocolate bar as I thought of all this and looked at the bar once. A passing thought occurred to me, "How much money would this bar, or for that matter, my entire chocolate box, fetch me?" The next instant I discarded the idea as I knew that the money would be too less. I knew that all I had to do was to get employed.
(All this might make you think that I'm a kid, but i'm a college student in this dream, its just that i'm still unemployed.)
Next day, at my sister's school, where I had to attend some talk/seminar, I waited and searched for P. I knew she'd come because her name was in the list of attendees. I could have called her or gone to her house, but I wanted to surprise her. I looked at all the classrooms. Coincidently all the classrooms for talk/seminar looked like the ones in new building of APS Jalandhar when I used to study there in 11th and 12th class. I reserved our seats and decided to stand outside, in the corridor so that I meet her as soon as she comes, lest she'd sit somewhere else. As I came out of the classroom, to stand outside, I saw her. She looked just the same, except for the red pimples all over her face. Somehow that didn't bother me because she was still the same P. But why was she talking to the other speakers of the seminar.
I felt a bolt of lightening pass through me when I learnt that she was the first speaker in the seminar. I wanted to run away, or at least hide my face somewhere. Strangely I felt like a loser. I decided that I couldn't ask her to be my partner in the project. I decided to ask Atul to be my partner and finish the project quickly, as he was my batchmate in the Computer science department of my college.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
21stOct2008EarlyMorning
Hide and Seek
I saw myself in my hostel room in NBH third floor. I kept the door open and frequently stared at the corridor on the other side of the doorway, with a strange fear in my mind. Then suddenly I decided that my room was not a safe place anymore, and simultaneously saw myself in a huge lobby of a big house, which was as if had been teleported to the big house or my room had suddenly grown large, or maybe it was just my imagination. The idea of examination next day increased my fear, and I had a lot left to prepare.
It all started the evening last week, at the beach party where I and my friends started the game of a new kind of hide and seek. The beach looked lovely with the lighting and the palm trees and large no. of people singing and dancing, but we had lost the mood for the party. So, we all went and sat a little away from the crowd and while chatting decided to play hide and seek with a small alteration in the rule that the ones found by the seeker would also become the seeker, something like becoming a vampire after being bitten by a vampire. We played that game all night till the last campfire burned out.
In a state of agitation, I decided to study with my friend Atul in his room. Atul was one of the players of the beach party hide and seek last week. I started studying again, doing my preparation the usual way.
Next thing I see myself sitting in the corridor, beside the open door of my room, with friends from the beach party beside me. They said it was fine, and that it was just a game and that I should forget it. One of them, Gaurav I think, said that he was the seeker and he touched my arm to show that what I was thinking was my imagination and was not true. The fact is, I was having visions, visions of places I was not at that time. While studying, once in a while, the pages of the book change into someone's bedroom or lighted road in the campus and it was not because of I drowsing while studying. I drowse quite often while studying and I know the difference. It wasn't day dreaming either. It felt like I was in those places, the visions looked so real. And with all these visions I saw a man, in his late 40s or early 50s, looking at the beach from the window of his suite.
I thought that as a seeker I had some kind of powers to see what the other seekers of the game are viewing at any time of the game, one at a time, just like one can change view while playing video games. Our last game was left incomplete because we had run out of lighting on the beach and it was too late to continue. Since I was one of the seekers in the last game, I thought that the powers of a seeker again took over me at the time same as the time last week when we played the game. I then realized that similar thing happened last week as well, but since any part of the beach looked mostly the same as the others I didn't notice the visions at that time.
Didn't my friends get the same visions?
If they did, why didn't they say anything?
If they didn't why didn't they? why only me?
Could it be that the man in his late 40s is the main seeker, looking at the world through other seekers like me? Did he touch me to give me such an ability, like a seeker in the hide and seek game?
Will completing the last game of beach party hide and seek help me get rid of these visions?
Before I could get answers to any of these questions, I guess I woke up.
I saw myself in my hostel room in NBH third floor. I kept the door open and frequently stared at the corridor on the other side of the doorway, with a strange fear in my mind. Then suddenly I decided that my room was not a safe place anymore, and simultaneously saw myself in a huge lobby of a big house, which was as if had been teleported to the big house or my room had suddenly grown large, or maybe it was just my imagination. The idea of examination next day increased my fear, and I had a lot left to prepare.
It all started the evening last week, at the beach party where I and my friends started the game of a new kind of hide and seek. The beach looked lovely with the lighting and the palm trees and large no. of people singing and dancing, but we had lost the mood for the party. So, we all went and sat a little away from the crowd and while chatting decided to play hide and seek with a small alteration in the rule that the ones found by the seeker would also become the seeker, something like becoming a vampire after being bitten by a vampire. We played that game all night till the last campfire burned out.
In a state of agitation, I decided to study with my friend Atul in his room. Atul was one of the players of the beach party hide and seek last week. I started studying again, doing my preparation the usual way.
Next thing I see myself sitting in the corridor, beside the open door of my room, with friends from the beach party beside me. They said it was fine, and that it was just a game and that I should forget it. One of them, Gaurav I think, said that he was the seeker and he touched my arm to show that what I was thinking was my imagination and was not true. The fact is, I was having visions, visions of places I was not at that time. While studying, once in a while, the pages of the book change into someone's bedroom or lighted road in the campus and it was not because of I drowsing while studying. I drowse quite often while studying and I know the difference. It wasn't day dreaming either. It felt like I was in those places, the visions looked so real. And with all these visions I saw a man, in his late 40s or early 50s, looking at the beach from the window of his suite.
I thought that as a seeker I had some kind of powers to see what the other seekers of the game are viewing at any time of the game, one at a time, just like one can change view while playing video games. Our last game was left incomplete because we had run out of lighting on the beach and it was too late to continue. Since I was one of the seekers in the last game, I thought that the powers of a seeker again took over me at the time same as the time last week when we played the game. I then realized that similar thing happened last week as well, but since any part of the beach looked mostly the same as the others I didn't notice the visions at that time.
Didn't my friends get the same visions?
If they did, why didn't they say anything?
If they didn't why didn't they? why only me?
Could it be that the man in his late 40s is the main seeker, looking at the world through other seekers like me? Did he touch me to give me such an ability, like a seeker in the hide and seek game?
Will completing the last game of beach party hide and seek help me get rid of these visions?
Before I could get answers to any of these questions, I guess I woke up.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
14thOct2008LateAfternoon
I saw myself in my present college life, a pleasant yet slowly turning into a highly irresponsible guy. I saw myself doing nightouts for no good reason and sleeping all through the day, sometimes skipping classes and scoring average in exams...
The dream looked like reality, and felt like I wasn't sleeping, that I was still awake and living my life, until he came...
I saw myself in some circular shaped, highly spacious room which looked like an office. I saw a man standing behind his desk, his back towards me, looking outside the window behind his desk. He was short in height, and reminded me of babidi, a villian in DragonballZ. Let's call him Mr. A.
"I have heard a lot about you and so wanted to meet you in person", he said with a bit of squeakiness in his voice, still facing the window. I felt numb and nervous, and thought, "this must be about my skipping classes because of no attendance taken, and about my late submission of assignments."
"Wrong", he said, and turned away from the window, to face me. I was astouned at his remark. He did look a little like babidi. "I wanted to meet you because I want your expertise, your skills. I want you to work for me, in my research lab. You would be paid well."
"I don't understand", I said. "I haven't been going in any direction as far as my MS in IIIT-H is concerned. I have been procrastinating all my work. I think there has been some mistake."
"No, no mistake. I know who you are, what you do with your time. All I want you to do is, work for my lab and I'll fund you during your MS and PhD and beyond maybe. I could provide you with assistance in your MS. There are things to be done in my research lab that only you can do."
He gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. Instead of living on mere stipend from college, why not get a full pay package by devoting a few hours everyday for his work.
During early hours of that evening, in some classrooms (our classrooms were large seminar halls), some or the other movie was to be shown. I went into one of the classrooms, and sat on a seat in the middle-row. I looked around, for familiar faces and couldn't help notice that one of the person in the room didn't belong to our college. And when my eyes met his, he looked nervous and moved his gaze away. I got a feeling that something was wrong.
After the movie, I walked out of the room/hall and towards the mess for dinner, while many students discussed the movie they saw, I couldn't help notice that the stranger in the same classroom as I, was nowhere to be seen just after the movie was over, i.e., he didn't get out through the door. 'Maybe I am thinking too much', I thought, 'but that man had some purpose in mind, something which he had planned to do in recent future, tonight maybe.'
After late dinner I went to my room, tired and ready to hit the bed. While lying on my bed, half asleep, I thought I heard some sound coming from the window. I didn't want to bother about it, but it disturbed my sleep, so I got up and went upto the window. I was surprised to see the same guy from the classroom movie hall, hanging outside the window, trying to create a small breach in the window glass... no it wasn't glass, the window of my room was also not the same, it was different, and made of something unbreakable maybe. As I stood there, digesting the sudden surprises and thinking of various possibilities of causes and effects, the sound at the window vanished. I saw that guy outside, and for some reason, I blocked that breach in the window. He tried his best to push me away from the window, but I didn't budge and gave it all my strength. But he won, and I was pushed away from the window and on the floor. I got up from the floor, only to see him standing in front of me.
'How could he enter the room through such a tiny breach/hole/cut in the window?' I wondered. And while I wondered that, he reached for my cupboard, and took out a cardboard carton. It was packed and sealed, and addressed to me. 'How could this carton be in my cupboard, and I didn't even know about it?' I couldn't contain my curiosity and decided to ask him about all this. But he seemed to be too desperate and panicky. He pushed me back on the floor and went out of the window, the way he had come in.
Next day, Mr. A summoned me in the same office/room in which we had met last time. 'You must be having some questions', he said.
"Yes I do", I said, and by now getting used to some doses of everyday surprises.
"The man who broke into your room yesterday is one of those people who don't like my research. And the carton in your room was sent by me, as a small gift before you started your work." he laughed slightly, a squeaky laugh. 'And that fool thought it was some part of our project information that I was sending you.' He seemed to enjoy making a fool out of that man.
"So what was in that carton, Mr. A ?" I asked.
"Chocolates. You like Chocolates, isn't it?"
"Yeah I do."
'Wow, chocolates.' I thought and felt sad for myself.
"Don't worry, I'll get another carton sent to your room", he said, "and it is my obligation to take care of you, so don't take it as part of my courtesy or good deed or something."
He was a mind reader, for sure.
"I still don't understand why you want to keep me happy and want my help?"
"Because you're a genius!" he said.
"I, what?" I said, as I encountered another shot of surprise.
'Nobody called me a genius except my sister, for some reason only known to her!' I thought.
"Yes, your sister is right, though not for the same reason as mine." he said.
'I had better be careful before thinking anything in front of this guy' I said in my mind.
"Yes you should. But it won't take you much efforts to do so. Thought control comes naturally to you." Mr. A said.
I felt helpless, but my curiosity kept me going.
"You can understand the forces and energies around you, hence you can understand the intentions of a person, or sense that something is not right. It is your natural skill of playing with energies and understanding them, that I want to use for my experiements. Of course I could have used those skills without you knowing what was happening, but I guess its better that you know, and now you know it."
"Don't worry, you won't be experimented on, and almost everything is computerized and simulated."
The word "almost" bothered me a little but I only realized the truth when I went to his lab.
The dream looked like reality, and felt like I wasn't sleeping, that I was still awake and living my life, until he came...
I saw myself in some circular shaped, highly spacious room which looked like an office. I saw a man standing behind his desk, his back towards me, looking outside the window behind his desk. He was short in height, and reminded me of babidi, a villian in DragonballZ. Let's call him Mr. A.
"I have heard a lot about you and so wanted to meet you in person", he said with a bit of squeakiness in his voice, still facing the window. I felt numb and nervous, and thought, "this must be about my skipping classes because of no attendance taken, and about my late submission of assignments."
"Wrong", he said, and turned away from the window, to face me. I was astouned at his remark. He did look a little like babidi. "I wanted to meet you because I want your expertise, your skills. I want you to work for me, in my research lab. You would be paid well."
"I don't understand", I said. "I haven't been going in any direction as far as my MS in IIIT-H is concerned. I have been procrastinating all my work. I think there has been some mistake."
"No, no mistake. I know who you are, what you do with your time. All I want you to do is, work for my lab and I'll fund you during your MS and PhD and beyond maybe. I could provide you with assistance in your MS. There are things to be done in my research lab that only you can do."
He gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. Instead of living on mere stipend from college, why not get a full pay package by devoting a few hours everyday for his work.
During early hours of that evening, in some classrooms (our classrooms were large seminar halls), some or the other movie was to be shown. I went into one of the classrooms, and sat on a seat in the middle-row. I looked around, for familiar faces and couldn't help notice that one of the person in the room didn't belong to our college. And when my eyes met his, he looked nervous and moved his gaze away. I got a feeling that something was wrong.
After the movie, I walked out of the room/hall and towards the mess for dinner, while many students discussed the movie they saw, I couldn't help notice that the stranger in the same classroom as I, was nowhere to be seen just after the movie was over, i.e., he didn't get out through the door. 'Maybe I am thinking too much', I thought, 'but that man had some purpose in mind, something which he had planned to do in recent future, tonight maybe.'
After late dinner I went to my room, tired and ready to hit the bed. While lying on my bed, half asleep, I thought I heard some sound coming from the window. I didn't want to bother about it, but it disturbed my sleep, so I got up and went upto the window. I was surprised to see the same guy from the classroom movie hall, hanging outside the window, trying to create a small breach in the window glass... no it wasn't glass, the window of my room was also not the same, it was different, and made of something unbreakable maybe. As I stood there, digesting the sudden surprises and thinking of various possibilities of causes and effects, the sound at the window vanished. I saw that guy outside, and for some reason, I blocked that breach in the window. He tried his best to push me away from the window, but I didn't budge and gave it all my strength. But he won, and I was pushed away from the window and on the floor. I got up from the floor, only to see him standing in front of me.
'How could he enter the room through such a tiny breach/hole/cut in the window?' I wondered. And while I wondered that, he reached for my cupboard, and took out a cardboard carton. It was packed and sealed, and addressed to me. 'How could this carton be in my cupboard, and I didn't even know about it?' I couldn't contain my curiosity and decided to ask him about all this. But he seemed to be too desperate and panicky. He pushed me back on the floor and went out of the window, the way he had come in.
Next day, Mr. A summoned me in the same office/room in which we had met last time. 'You must be having some questions', he said.
"Yes I do", I said, and by now getting used to some doses of everyday surprises.
"The man who broke into your room yesterday is one of those people who don't like my research. And the carton in your room was sent by me, as a small gift before you started your work." he laughed slightly, a squeaky laugh. 'And that fool thought it was some part of our project information that I was sending you.' He seemed to enjoy making a fool out of that man.
"So what was in that carton, Mr. A ?" I asked.
"Chocolates. You like Chocolates, isn't it?"
"Yeah I do."
'Wow, chocolates.' I thought and felt sad for myself.
"Don't worry, I'll get another carton sent to your room", he said, "and it is my obligation to take care of you, so don't take it as part of my courtesy or good deed or something."
He was a mind reader, for sure.
"I still don't understand why you want to keep me happy and want my help?"
"Because you're a genius!" he said.
"I, what?" I said, as I encountered another shot of surprise.
'Nobody called me a genius except my sister, for some reason only known to her!' I thought.
"Yes, your sister is right, though not for the same reason as mine." he said.
'I had better be careful before thinking anything in front of this guy' I said in my mind.
"Yes you should. But it won't take you much efforts to do so. Thought control comes naturally to you." Mr. A said.
I felt helpless, but my curiosity kept me going.
"You can understand the forces and energies around you, hence you can understand the intentions of a person, or sense that something is not right. It is your natural skill of playing with energies and understanding them, that I want to use for my experiements. Of course I could have used those skills without you knowing what was happening, but I guess its better that you know, and now you know it."
"Don't worry, you won't be experimented on, and almost everything is computerized and simulated."
The word "almost" bothered me a little but I only realized the truth when I went to his lab.
Friday, September 12, 2008
11thSept2008EarlyMorning
I saw myself in a hasty process of getting ready for school. I saw myself wearing my uniform as fast as possible, and hang the tie with an untidy knot around my neck. As I started wearing my socks, I felt the need to attend nature's call. "Damn", I thought, "why can't this happen when I wake up in the morning, everything has to happen at the last moment!" While sitting in the loo, I was reminded of something that was important to me and that I had to do. In my mind I saw myself with a backpack, a modified form of my schoolbag, but stuffed with heavy stuffs. I was getting late with every passing second. I heard the chattering sounds of school kids and a few honking horns of the bus. My sister shouted that the bus won't stop for me! Of course it won't!
I was again reminded of something that I had to do, which was important to me. I thought, "I chose this life for myself. I am doing this for my friend. I didn't mean to harm anyone, but no one understands the language of love and peace. I have to help my friend and save him."
I rushed out of the toilet, while pulling my pants on, and tucking my shirt. I grabbed my schoolbag, looked at it for a few seconds, smiled and rushed outside. The bus had already left. I decided to catch it at its next stop. I took a short-cut, the connecting paths between the buildings. The bus followed the road and hence took a longer route to its next stop. I reached the place and was standing there when I saw the bus appear from behind the last building I could see on that road. I smiled at the driver as the bus stopped in front of me. I got into the bus and sat beside my sister. Looking at her I was again reminded of that day.
That day, me and my sister got lost in a carnival. I don't remember my parents presence in the carnival. I and my sister stood at some foodstall, when I saw a man staring at us. He had long hair, and traces of beard on his face. We left the stall and went elsewhere but he seemed to follow us. I started running with my sister. We ran between strings of foodstalls on either side, then we went and hid behind a bench. Once in a while I peeked over the bench and still saw him standing, looking around for us. I had no idea why was he looking for us. The place behind that bench was a good hiding place because he couldn't find us there for the next few hours, i.e., while the carnival fair was still on. I was too afraid to leave that place, and I also had the responsibility of keeping my little sister safe. So we slept there, behind that bench that night. I didn't like it there, behind the bench. I wanted to be back at home, with my mommy and daddy, in my room, on my bed. I'm sure my sister was scared too, but she didn't say anything, just held me close and slept.
I felt like killing that man then and there but I was a teenager and he was a full grown man, armed perhaps and fierce looking.
Next thing I remember was me and my friend with the dead body of that man. How did he die? Did we kill him? If not, what were we doing there? I don't know either of these things.
As I sat in the bus, which steadily moved close to the school, I knew what I had to do. My friend had taken the blame for that man's death on himself. Perhaps the cops might have found us with that man's dead body. I had to save my friend, help him get out of this mess which was created because of me, I guess.
I looked at my sister. She didn't seem to remember anything about that evening, which was good.
I was again reminded of something that I had to do, which was important to me. I thought, "I chose this life for myself. I am doing this for my friend. I didn't mean to harm anyone, but no one understands the language of love and peace. I have to help my friend and save him."
I rushed out of the toilet, while pulling my pants on, and tucking my shirt. I grabbed my schoolbag, looked at it for a few seconds, smiled and rushed outside. The bus had already left. I decided to catch it at its next stop. I took a short-cut, the connecting paths between the buildings. The bus followed the road and hence took a longer route to its next stop. I reached the place and was standing there when I saw the bus appear from behind the last building I could see on that road. I smiled at the driver as the bus stopped in front of me. I got into the bus and sat beside my sister. Looking at her I was again reminded of that day.
That day, me and my sister got lost in a carnival. I don't remember my parents presence in the carnival. I and my sister stood at some foodstall, when I saw a man staring at us. He had long hair, and traces of beard on his face. We left the stall and went elsewhere but he seemed to follow us. I started running with my sister. We ran between strings of foodstalls on either side, then we went and hid behind a bench. Once in a while I peeked over the bench and still saw him standing, looking around for us. I had no idea why was he looking for us. The place behind that bench was a good hiding place because he couldn't find us there for the next few hours, i.e., while the carnival fair was still on. I was too afraid to leave that place, and I also had the responsibility of keeping my little sister safe. So we slept there, behind that bench that night. I didn't like it there, behind the bench. I wanted to be back at home, with my mommy and daddy, in my room, on my bed. I'm sure my sister was scared too, but she didn't say anything, just held me close and slept.
I felt like killing that man then and there but I was a teenager and he was a full grown man, armed perhaps and fierce looking.
Next thing I remember was me and my friend with the dead body of that man. How did he die? Did we kill him? If not, what were we doing there? I don't know either of these things.
As I sat in the bus, which steadily moved close to the school, I knew what I had to do. My friend had taken the blame for that man's death on himself. Perhaps the cops might have found us with that man's dead body. I had to save my friend, help him get out of this mess which was created because of me, I guess.
I looked at my sister. She didn't seem to remember anything about that evening, which was good.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
9thSept2008EarlyAfternoon
I saw myself in one of the events that happened in my life earlier. I saw myself standing on the bridge which is famous for some reason I don't remember. I don't even remember its name. This bridge is en route from Rameshwaram to Trivandrum. It was a big and wide bridge with a road on it, and pavements where vendors sold fruit salad/slices, channa, bhel etc. My father parked our car along the pavement and my mother got out and asked me to follow her. We went and stood at the edge of the bridge. It was breezy early evening with warm sun-rays and moving and stationary vehicles and people on the pavement keeping the bridge road a busy, occupied place.
She said, "Isn't this a wonderful view!" I stood there looking at the river water and the tiny disturbances on the surface of water, those tiny waves when suddenly I felt nauseatic and dizzy. I stood at the corner of the bridge and felt like I would loose consciousness any moment. I then realized that I didn't feel comforable looking down from a considerable amount of height. I lost consciousness.
Next thing I remember was being at our old neighbor's house for lunch. They were our older neighbors from another city were we lived earlier. I remember myself riding a bike, a bicycle with strong tyres, in front of their house. One of the children in their neighborhood were riding their small bicycles and one of them hit her bicycle to the tyre of my bicycle and the tyres of her bicycle broke into pieces. She started accusing me of being the reason and I argued with her that she hit my bicycle's tyres and I wasn't the one coming in her way. Other children also took her side and said that it was my fault. They started shouting at me. Next thing I saw myself allowing her ride my bicycle for sometime. Since she was quite small, I held the bicycle for her and she pushed the pedals with the tip of her feet. She had won the argument and I had to allow her to ride my bicycle for sometime.
There was a crazy TV set in the garage of my former neighbors at whose home we had gone for having lunch. Only their kids knew about the craziness of the TV set. It felt like the TV set read my mind, because some of the advertisements showed some of my batchmates wearing funny clothes and selling stuffs, in short, a model for the advertisements. In one of them, I saw one of my batchmates selling the baseball kit. He spoke a few lines for advertising the product while playing with the ball and wearing the baseball glove in his left hand, a baseball uniform with cap. Then he started singing a song in a funny way and concluded the advertisement reassuring how good the product was. I could be hallucinating about all this, but the next advertisement was about home delivery and stuffs and I saw another of my batchmate acting like a disciplined punctual person who does everything on time. He emphasized that the home delivery service of some company is as disciplined and punctual as he is, as if people would take his word for it! He played with his moustache for a while. The advertisement showed him in a lot of different clothes, once as a cook preparing food in his own kitchen, once as a business tycoon who concludes a deal within a few minutes etc. After watching this commercial I started feeling hungry because the advertisement showed a lot of delicious dishes, especially chicken dishes. I do remember having gravy chicken that afternoon in lunch at my former neighbor's house.
She said, "Isn't this a wonderful view!" I stood there looking at the river water and the tiny disturbances on the surface of water, those tiny waves when suddenly I felt nauseatic and dizzy. I stood at the corner of the bridge and felt like I would loose consciousness any moment. I then realized that I didn't feel comforable looking down from a considerable amount of height. I lost consciousness.
Next thing I remember was being at our old neighbor's house for lunch. They were our older neighbors from another city were we lived earlier. I remember myself riding a bike, a bicycle with strong tyres, in front of their house. One of the children in their neighborhood were riding their small bicycles and one of them hit her bicycle to the tyre of my bicycle and the tyres of her bicycle broke into pieces. She started accusing me of being the reason and I argued with her that she hit my bicycle's tyres and I wasn't the one coming in her way. Other children also took her side and said that it was my fault. They started shouting at me. Next thing I saw myself allowing her ride my bicycle for sometime. Since she was quite small, I held the bicycle for her and she pushed the pedals with the tip of her feet. She had won the argument and I had to allow her to ride my bicycle for sometime.
There was a crazy TV set in the garage of my former neighbors at whose home we had gone for having lunch. Only their kids knew about the craziness of the TV set. It felt like the TV set read my mind, because some of the advertisements showed some of my batchmates wearing funny clothes and selling stuffs, in short, a model for the advertisements. In one of them, I saw one of my batchmates selling the baseball kit. He spoke a few lines for advertising the product while playing with the ball and wearing the baseball glove in his left hand, a baseball uniform with cap. Then he started singing a song in a funny way and concluded the advertisement reassuring how good the product was. I could be hallucinating about all this, but the next advertisement was about home delivery and stuffs and I saw another of my batchmate acting like a disciplined punctual person who does everything on time. He emphasized that the home delivery service of some company is as disciplined and punctual as he is, as if people would take his word for it! He played with his moustache for a while. The advertisement showed him in a lot of different clothes, once as a cook preparing food in his own kitchen, once as a business tycoon who concludes a deal within a few minutes etc. After watching this commercial I started feeling hungry because the advertisement showed a lot of delicious dishes, especially chicken dishes. I do remember having gravy chicken that afternoon in lunch at my former neighbor's house.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
26thAugust2008LateMorning
After a series of exciting experiences, which I forgot when I woke up, I slept again in the hope of reviving or resuming those series of experiences. The scene took a different turn and I saw yet another weird and "different" kind of dream, something that has never happened to me in real life.
I saw myself, with my college mates going to some other place, as a team to attend a workshop and conduct some experiments as a part of that workshop. We took a bus to that place. The place looked like very old, with faded colored walls with dark patches, and dingy ambience inside the buildings. We wore special suits kind of thing, like what bomb disposal squad wears or those dealing with viruses or biological weapons! I saw myself and others sitting in the same row, with old looking desks and apparatus, with washing sinks in front of us. It reminded me of the chemistry lab of my school which looked quite like that lab we were sitting in.
After the trip, I felt like I desperately wanted this kind of work or project. But I didn't have good CGPA or experience to support my predicament. Nevertheless I approached the professor, and as expected he dismissed me because he expected some "better" students to take up such projects. I couldn't believe it because the professor believed in giving anyone a chance.
In my desperation, I fell for my friends' suggestion of fabricating a false identity that showed that I belonged to a family which was a part of some specific groups of families. The trick worked as the next day the professor called me himself and offered me the project. My friends' had changed my identity quite meticulously in each of my records with the college authorities.
A couple of days later, during late hours of evening, as I walked by the dean's office, I heard this, "I found this. He's son of an army officer, he's an army kid." and before I could think of my next move (I easily guessed they were talking about me.) the professor saw me, and his face showed anger and disappointment. I looked at the dean, and (OMG, what happened!) he looked different. He looked a little younger and had dense hair on his head. The dean wouldn't have delayed a judgment so long. The professor won't spare me for what I have done, so he possibly couldn't be preventing the dean from suspending me for a week and calling my parents. I had this feeling that he wasn't the real dean, but a fake duplicate. But why couldn't others see the change in his looks, and his behavior. He didn't show any signs or anger or frustration, but falsely made a concerned and angry face.
I was ridiculed by many in the college the next day. People stared at me and talked among themselves, wherever I went. But something else was disturbing me. I wanted to find out more about the changes in the dean. My friends had no idea about it and surprisingly didn't even observe any change in the dean. It was only after I told them about my observations that they agreed.
Next night, I managed to get myself into dean's office. I searched for any clue that might explain such a behavior. I found a few deadbodies inside the cushioned side row just outside his cabin, where people sat, waiting for their turn to meet him. The bodies didn't have disgusting odour but did feel like human body when I touched them. The faces were recognizable but not of anyone I had ever seen. It confirmed that the present dean wasn't the real dean. The real dean would have suspended me but this dean didn't bother and spared me. Is it that dean was in danger (or perhaps dead, which could be, with so many dead bodies supporting this claim!) and this pseudo dean has some other business here that he's least bothered about the college and isn't interfering much with the administration work.
Sitting there in the dark, in front of the opened side row, with dead bodies in front of me, I could hear his words ringing in my mind, "he's an army kid". I felt the energy and the fervor within. I realized that I had a big responsibility to shoulder and get things right. I must find the dean and the answer to why can't anyone else realize that the dean is missing and this dean is not real. Could it be that the day I missed college for the workshop, that same day he replaced the real dean and did something to everyone else?
I saw myself, with my college mates going to some other place, as a team to attend a workshop and conduct some experiments as a part of that workshop. We took a bus to that place. The place looked like very old, with faded colored walls with dark patches, and dingy ambience inside the buildings. We wore special suits kind of thing, like what bomb disposal squad wears or those dealing with viruses or biological weapons! I saw myself and others sitting in the same row, with old looking desks and apparatus, with washing sinks in front of us. It reminded me of the chemistry lab of my school which looked quite like that lab we were sitting in.
After the trip, I felt like I desperately wanted this kind of work or project. But I didn't have good CGPA or experience to support my predicament. Nevertheless I approached the professor, and as expected he dismissed me because he expected some "better" students to take up such projects. I couldn't believe it because the professor believed in giving anyone a chance.
In my desperation, I fell for my friends' suggestion of fabricating a false identity that showed that I belonged to a family which was a part of some specific groups of families. The trick worked as the next day the professor called me himself and offered me the project. My friends' had changed my identity quite meticulously in each of my records with the college authorities.
A couple of days later, during late hours of evening, as I walked by the dean's office, I heard this, "I found this. He's son of an army officer, he's an army kid." and before I could think of my next move (I easily guessed they were talking about me.) the professor saw me, and his face showed anger and disappointment. I looked at the dean, and (OMG, what happened!) he looked different. He looked a little younger and had dense hair on his head. The dean wouldn't have delayed a judgment so long. The professor won't spare me for what I have done, so he possibly couldn't be preventing the dean from suspending me for a week and calling my parents. I had this feeling that he wasn't the real dean, but a fake duplicate. But why couldn't others see the change in his looks, and his behavior. He didn't show any signs or anger or frustration, but falsely made a concerned and angry face.
I was ridiculed by many in the college the next day. People stared at me and talked among themselves, wherever I went. But something else was disturbing me. I wanted to find out more about the changes in the dean. My friends had no idea about it and surprisingly didn't even observe any change in the dean. It was only after I told them about my observations that they agreed.
Next night, I managed to get myself into dean's office. I searched for any clue that might explain such a behavior. I found a few deadbodies inside the cushioned side row just outside his cabin, where people sat, waiting for their turn to meet him. The bodies didn't have disgusting odour but did feel like human body when I touched them. The faces were recognizable but not of anyone I had ever seen. It confirmed that the present dean wasn't the real dean. The real dean would have suspended me but this dean didn't bother and spared me. Is it that dean was in danger (or perhaps dead, which could be, with so many dead bodies supporting this claim!) and this pseudo dean has some other business here that he's least bothered about the college and isn't interfering much with the administration work.
Sitting there in the dark, in front of the opened side row, with dead bodies in front of me, I could hear his words ringing in my mind, "he's an army kid". I felt the energy and the fervor within. I realized that I had a big responsibility to shoulder and get things right. I must find the dean and the answer to why can't anyone else realize that the dean is missing and this dean is not real. Could it be that the day I missed college for the workshop, that same day he replaced the real dean and did something to everyone else?
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
16thJuly2008EarlyMorning
I saw myself totally petrified at the idea of taking part in a speech olympiad kind of thing. I saw huge stadium with people from all over the world as audience as well as participants. It was an international event. I was one of the participants purely on the basis of my academic performance, is what I recall.
As I walked across my room, slowly keeping each foot after the other one, with soft sun-rays entering my room (illuminating the dust particles and keeping my room warm), I tried to build the speech in my mind on a random topic. The main point here was to keep on speaking on the topic without any long or lingering pause or pauses. I did that for a few topics in my mind till I couldn't control my anxiety any longer. For all I could recall, I had never spoken in front of any audience anything for a duration of five minutes. And now I was supposed to keep them engaged and interesed in my speech.
I asked my mother about the topic of my speech and she said she had given the slip of paper with the topic on it, to me a couple of hours ago. I started looking for the slip of paper and when I
found it, read the topic on the paper. It gave me cold feet.
My mother then suddenly came to my room and asked me for some medicines. She said they were for my father. I took out the medicine kit from the closet, looked for those medicines and gave them to her. Well, most of the medicines in that kit were for me! It was but evident that I couldn't take part in the speech olympiad because my parents had to leave as my father's
health had gone bad and he also had to get back to work in a couple of days. My mother urged me to take part and return home a couple of days later, but I refused. I felt slightly relieved for not speaking on the podium in front of such eminent people making the audience, but I also knew that it was a big opportunity lost.
I met her yet again, this time when I got back home after not attending speech olympiad. Meeting her made me forget all about the speech olympiad. She told me that she'd moved to this city but was visiting the city for the first time. She wanted me to drop her home. Her presence is something I can never deny.
As a third person, I saw her and me in a cab or an auto-rickshaw. Then as first person, I sat beside her and we talked. I slowly dozed off (What an idiot!). Perhaps a couple of minutes later, I was woken up by a sudden jolt in the movement of the cab. I realized that I had my head on her shoulders. I again closed my eyes. I felt drawn to her and for no reason, I kissed her cheek gently. She shook in a state of surprise. I pretended to be just awakened by my deep sleep and that I didn't know what happened and that whatever happened was while I was asleep. She only smiled. And I smiled too.
After reaching her place, she asked me if I was in contact with any of our common friends. I replied in affirmative and gave her the contact no. and e-mail ids of a few of them I was in touch with. She was really happy about that.
Later that day, when I went back to her apartment to do a favour by getting her something she had asked for, I found the door open. I entered the house. There was a laptop on a small round table in the center of drawing room. Stuffs were thrown on the furnitures. I saw the door of her bedroom ajar. I moved closer to a door and saw a guy lying on the bed with all clothes and shoes on. Who was this guy? I moved closer and saw her head on his belly and eating some ice cream candy, and both were talking. The guy was playing with her hair.
Of course she has a boyfriend... idiot me!
Perhaps the guy saw me, and following his line of sight, so did she. After a brief span of shock, she smiled and introduced me to him. She thanked me for all my help (of course I would have helped, and of course it doesn't make a difference!). Maybe she was too overwhelmed by all my "help" that she showed me a message she'd be sending to one of our common friends. She asked me for suggestions about the message. It had been a long time since she had not communicated with anyone of us. I said it was just the thing she should write, a part as apology, a part about all that had been going on in life, and about present state of life.
As I began to leave, I turned and looked at her again. She was still smiling and her face was still glowing, her eyes still shining. This was what had mesmerized me ten years ago. She had changed a lot, but she was still the person.
Alas, we are just friends, and even though I still feel the love for her, friendship is not love, isn't it!
I was glad to be back in college, in the Old Boy's Hostel among my friends for the final year. I saw Mridul grinning at me, the way he always does, for no reason whatsoever. I saw a heap of books wrapped in plastic. Akshay came from behind, saying something and ends his talk with a broad smile, in the process saving himself from tumbling over the heap of books. I asked him what he was saying and he said, "never mind, I'll explain later. First we must pick this heap of books and take it to my room." I couldn't interpret the words he said. I felt nostalgic about the fact that all my btech batchmates wouldn't be around after one year...
As I walked across my room, slowly keeping each foot after the other one, with soft sun-rays entering my room (illuminating the dust particles and keeping my room warm), I tried to build the speech in my mind on a random topic. The main point here was to keep on speaking on the topic without any long or lingering pause or pauses. I did that for a few topics in my mind till I couldn't control my anxiety any longer. For all I could recall, I had never spoken in front of any audience anything for a duration of five minutes. And now I was supposed to keep them engaged and interesed in my speech.
I asked my mother about the topic of my speech and she said she had given the slip of paper with the topic on it, to me a couple of hours ago. I started looking for the slip of paper and when I
found it, read the topic on the paper. It gave me cold feet.
My mother then suddenly came to my room and asked me for some medicines. She said they were for my father. I took out the medicine kit from the closet, looked for those medicines and gave them to her. Well, most of the medicines in that kit were for me! It was but evident that I couldn't take part in the speech olympiad because my parents had to leave as my father's
health had gone bad and he also had to get back to work in a couple of days. My mother urged me to take part and return home a couple of days later, but I refused. I felt slightly relieved for not speaking on the podium in front of such eminent people making the audience, but I also knew that it was a big opportunity lost.
I met her yet again, this time when I got back home after not attending speech olympiad. Meeting her made me forget all about the speech olympiad. She told me that she'd moved to this city but was visiting the city for the first time. She wanted me to drop her home. Her presence is something I can never deny.
As a third person, I saw her and me in a cab or an auto-rickshaw. Then as first person, I sat beside her and we talked. I slowly dozed off (What an idiot!). Perhaps a couple of minutes later, I was woken up by a sudden jolt in the movement of the cab. I realized that I had my head on her shoulders. I again closed my eyes. I felt drawn to her and for no reason, I kissed her cheek gently. She shook in a state of surprise. I pretended to be just awakened by my deep sleep and that I didn't know what happened and that whatever happened was while I was asleep. She only smiled. And I smiled too.
After reaching her place, she asked me if I was in contact with any of our common friends. I replied in affirmative and gave her the contact no. and e-mail ids of a few of them I was in touch with. She was really happy about that.
Later that day, when I went back to her apartment to do a favour by getting her something she had asked for, I found the door open. I entered the house. There was a laptop on a small round table in the center of drawing room. Stuffs were thrown on the furnitures. I saw the door of her bedroom ajar. I moved closer to a door and saw a guy lying on the bed with all clothes and shoes on. Who was this guy? I moved closer and saw her head on his belly and eating some ice cream candy, and both were talking. The guy was playing with her hair.
Of course she has a boyfriend... idiot me!
Perhaps the guy saw me, and following his line of sight, so did she. After a brief span of shock, she smiled and introduced me to him. She thanked me for all my help (of course I would have helped, and of course it doesn't make a difference!). Maybe she was too overwhelmed by all my "help" that she showed me a message she'd be sending to one of our common friends. She asked me for suggestions about the message. It had been a long time since she had not communicated with anyone of us. I said it was just the thing she should write, a part as apology, a part about all that had been going on in life, and about present state of life.
As I began to leave, I turned and looked at her again. She was still smiling and her face was still glowing, her eyes still shining. This was what had mesmerized me ten years ago. She had changed a lot, but she was still the person.
Alas, we are just friends, and even though I still feel the love for her, friendship is not love, isn't it!
I was glad to be back in college, in the Old Boy's Hostel among my friends for the final year. I saw Mridul grinning at me, the way he always does, for no reason whatsoever. I saw a heap of books wrapped in plastic. Akshay came from behind, saying something and ends his talk with a broad smile, in the process saving himself from tumbling over the heap of books. I asked him what he was saying and he said, "never mind, I'll explain later. First we must pick this heap of books and take it to my room." I couldn't interpret the words he said. I felt nostalgic about the fact that all my btech batchmates wouldn't be around after one year...
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