Friday, March 7, 2008

8th March Early Morning

The first thing I remember was that I was in a big room on a ship or in some hotel room and there was this pretty young lady with me. It had been a rainy day and black clouds covered the sky. We had met somewhere in the city and somehow got this liking for each other. I saw her standing on a bridge and me standing in front of her and we were talking and laughing...

Next thing I remember is that we were having sex... I could feel the warmth and the touch, the smell, it was gentle and smooth... I was totally into it... looks like I am telling myself subconsciously that I want something (even though I don't really think about it while I'm awake) and also I am training myself for the same subconsciously using the information gained from external world and the coded information in my genes... oh it's too complicated, let's stop at that!

I hardly ever get angry enough to shout, but something happened that changed it all. I received the news of death of one of my best friends of high school and I think it was Himanshu. I had not met him since last 4 years and it was a straight shock. So, that evening itself, when someone was
cracking a joke on me (like sometimes people do and I play along) while we were standing on a
training ground (beside the rope climbing area) which looked like a military exercise ground, but
this time something inside me, which seemed wanting to come out, came out and with rage I abused him and abused all the others. They were shocked and realized something was wrong. I hadn't noticed that earlier but that pretty young lady was also standing there. I said, "Time changes a person. I was deeply upset after receiving the news of my friend's death and I guess that came out as rage from within me and you all had to see it. I'm sorry." I rather felt light hearted and better and from then spoke such words occasionally whenever I felt like.

This time my house (group) was supposed to play host. We had to prepare the meal, decorate the place and invite other houses (groups). I had expected this as the last thing on the earth to happen to me but it happened and I was made the head of all this, especially the food preparation part! I, as always, ended up delaying the things and on the last day had a lot of things to be prepared! I was really freaked out and was also frustrating the others in my group. The long list of unfinished items that I looked at made me realize that nothing can be done now... it's over. Still I tried and divided the work and as I was about to leave for my long list of work, when I thought, why not call someone from the other group to help me, some friend of mine and guess what, I called Rahul. Of all the people I called Rahul! Anyways, he came, and a few of his other friends. I asked him to do something and though initially he was hesitant, he agreed. Interestingly enough I had written To Do things on some eatables (as a reward for those who finish that To Do thing) and he picked the corresponding one, while I was about to write it down on some paper. He said, "Thanks, I'll do it and then have this", grinned and left. I felt a bit apprehensive but also better after realizing that I'd reduced some work for myself.

As I was about to leave to do the work I'd assigned myself, someone called me.
It was that pretty young lady again and this time she was calling me "sir". Perhaps she must be my junior or maybe since I'm in charge, she was using that word! I followed her into an adjacent room and what I saw both embarrassed me and also made me respect her. She said, "Sir, I've prepared, or rather got these thing prepared as I saw them in your list of To Do things." She sounded hesitant as she might be thinking that she looked into the To Do list and it was wrong. Well of course it is wrong to look at other's things without permission but I guess it was the right thing to do. I mean I looked at the prepared dishes, and a few which she had served on a plate and it looked perfect. I felt like hugging her and saying "Thank You". I just said, "That's good." and before I was over with saying that, a few people got a few things by carrying them on their back. She directed them to keep it at some destined places. Those things were packed so I couldn't see what it was.

I then realized that she saw me with those guys and she also knew that they were from some other house (group). I felt guilty of not being able to do things after I was made in-charge of the whole event. I then saw that those packed in the room were meant for decoration. She was bending towards one of them to open it and then she turned and looked at me, and smiled. I felt she was smiling sarcastically and wanted to say, "I knew you wouldn't be able to do it and this time also I had to take care of everything."

Finally everyone came and we had a good time. I also eventually prepared a few dishes and did a bit of decoration work. The last thing I remember was talking to Asrar, Gaurav and others about the awards kind of things that India wins. Someone said, "India ko US mein koi award nahi milte hai but UK mein mil jaate hain har baar." Others agreed and I saw Asrar grinning broadly at that fact, but I couldn't understand what it was, even though I agreed fully to the fact.